we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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