There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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