please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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