Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
