VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
