dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
