you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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