Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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