first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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