why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
this hospital has no fireball
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
