If i come over, it means nothing
Where is the hickey?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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