and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
