What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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