He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
