god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
