if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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