okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
