You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
