I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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