he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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