For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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