Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
