y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
