I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
