4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
