Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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