Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
