he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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