Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
