So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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