All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
