i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
smell my finger.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
