there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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