I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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