I have demons in me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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