I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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