Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is Oprah even human
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
