I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
