Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You're like the curious george of whores
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
