It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
