Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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