and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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