So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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