Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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