Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
