I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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