We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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