Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
