Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
