u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
