We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
did i just pee glitter
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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