All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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