nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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