i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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