lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
