My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
