your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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