Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
