I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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