I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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