i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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