Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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