She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
