the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
