her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
