you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
