so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sext me about skeletons
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
