you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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