We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drake has all the answers
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
