I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
